Wow?! Am I really that old???

I am going to preface this blog by saying that I am not mad at either of the two individuals who made the comments I am about to discuss. What happened wasn’t even that big of a deal, but it has been grating on me for a few days now.

Here is the synopsis of two events that made me realize people really do view me as old and out of shape.

Depressing Event #1

This past weekend I went down to Pueblo for my sister’s basketball game. After the game I went to the bar with my family to have a drink and some pizza. During dinner my sister invited Josh and I to go out with her later. At this point I already felt old because it was 10:30 or so and I was questioning whether it was too late to go out. Regardless, I rallied and got myself together to go to a house party. Upon arrival, I was feeling pretty good about the situation. It was a typical college house party: beer pong, lots of light beer, and beer packaging cardboard up as wallpaper. I felt as if I was in my element . . . until I heard the following scream from the kitchen, “What!!! You think I look like I am 25??!? SICK!” I was floored and I felt like crap. I am 25. I didn’t realize the college crowd views me as “sick.” Maybe sick as in cool, totally awesome or the raddest person they have ever met, but not gross.

Depressing Event #2

The second event also happened while I was at home in Pueblo. My middle sister (22) and I have both been working out lately. She’s been in basketball plus going to a toning class and triathlon class. I’ve just been going to 24 Hour Fitness, but it’s a step up from doing pretty much nothing. Any way—we were in the kitchen showing off some of our new muscles and I was feeling pretty good about myself. Then, my youngest sister (13) came in the room and flexed for us. I have to admit, she is pretty ripped for a thirteen year old. Back to the story—While she was flexing she asked Josh if her biceps were more like mine or my other sister’s. He responded, “Uhhh, they’re about as big as Erin’s.” This was followed by a long depressing sigh and sour face. I must have looked mortified because she quickly tried to make me feel better by saying that the comment would have been good if I still had all of my high school soccer muscles. That just made me feel worse.

Since my two depressing events I have been doing a little self-reflection. I can’t change my age, but I don’t really want to any way. I think I’m doing pretty good for myself and I am happy. The girl who made that stupid comment was an idiot. On the other hand, I can do a little more to be more fit and healthy. That is going to be my new project. I’ve already been working out more, I’m just going to have to amp it up a little bit and start eating better. So, if you are around me and I’m complaining about going to the gym, tell me to suck it up and get out there.

Boston Sucks and the Nuggets Rule

I attended the Nuggets game tonight and witnessed them destroying the Celtics. Well, they didn't really destroy them, but they did beat them . . . and it was satisfying. I think Boston fans are some of the most obnoxious people alive, so it is always nice to get a win on them whether it be in basketball, baseball or football. It did get a little heated in the Pepsi Center, but it was healthy. People need to yell once in a while. Like we learned from P. Diddy, "bitchassness is a sickness of the world." The best cure for bitchassness is a healthy argument. When the Celtics got a little bit of a lead some dude came up behind us and yelled, "did you catch the World Series?" Josh promptly responded, "did you catch the Super Bowl." It made me smile inside.

The following people also made me smile at the game.

These are the Silver Hotties--a dance troop made up of old folks who like to jam.

I don't know who this lady is, but she rode a unicycle and balanced bowls on her head. She could also toss the bowls from her foot to the top of her head. One time she did 4 bowls all at once. It was impressive.

Way to go Nuggets. . . and old folks dance troop . . . and bowl balancer lady. You made my night. Thanks for the memories.

Uno: The People’s Dog

Big news for all the underdogs out there: a beagle finally won the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. It only took 132 years.

The big winner was a 15 inch beagle named Uno. His handler described him as, “a people’s dog, a merry little hound.” He also mentioned that Uno was not lacking in the cute department. Although I totally support the cute factor, I prefer the first statement as to why the beagle is a winner: he’s a people’s dog. He’s not a puffed up pansy with a fancy hair cut. He’s an everyday dog that people can relate to and enjoy. My favorite quote out of all the articles I read was, “Uno breezed in the 15-inch beagle category Monday morning, then took the group several hours later. So while other dogs tried to reach the final ring Tuesday, Uno went on a brisk walk around Manhattan and took a nap beneath his warm, fuzzy blanket.” He wasn’t running on a treadmill or getting his hair trimmed just right, he was sleeping under a blanket in true beagle fashion. Classy.

After winning, Uno proceeded to chew on the microphones of all of the reporters and bay to his heart’s content. That sounds about right. I’m pretty sure Stanley would eat his prize—if he even won something. I doubt he will ever win anything. Nonetheless, I still love him.

With the beagle’s newfound popularity I’m sure sales and adoptions will start to increase. With that in mind, I have some advice for potential beagle buyers out there:

1. Invest in a good fence.

2. Don’t underestimate what the dog will eat. My beagle has eaten a mirror, triple antibiotic ointment, and superglue—in one weekend.

3. Always be aware of the location of any food or beverages. If you lose your gaurd for a moment, the beagle will prevail and consume all of your treats. They especially like PBR. No doubt--they are the people's dog.

4. Be prepared for noise. Lots of noise. Although the beagle is cute and cudley, they are also quite loud. . . . and obnoxious.

5. Get one. They are probably the coolest dog you will ever own.

Cheers Uno! Well done.

The Art of Saberage

A few weeks ago Josh and I were watching a show called "Three Sheets" on MOJO. The show follows comedian, Zane Lamprey, as he travels around the world investigating local drinking customs. In the episode we were watching he learned how to saber a champagne bottle. . . . yes, he opened a bottle using a sweet sword. Ever since, Josh has been wanting to try. Finally, his friend Tim bet him that it couldn't be done (at least by Josh). So, with a free lunch on the line, Josh broke out the cane/sword that Chris gave him as a groomsman present a few years ago and made his first-ever sabering attempt on our porch last night.

Here is a picture of him preparing the materials.

The following images illustrate the events that followed.

Shock and Awe.

After Josh's great success, we retrieved the top of the bottle from the snow in the front yard. As you can see, the cork is still lodged inside the opening of the bottle. Pretty sweet, huh?

The saberage excitement made us quite thirsty, so we proceeded to enjoy the fruits of Josh's labor, among other delightful beverages.

Profound Words from P. Diddy

This evening I was flipping through the channels wasting some time before LOST started. Somehow, I stopped on MTV's Making the Band 4(?). . . . oh yeah, I stopped because I thought it looked like the blonde chick, Aubrey, got lip injections. Regardless, I watched for a while, even thought I hate to admit it. I even got to see Diddy's evaluation of the different bands (they are competing to see which group gets to make a record, or something). During the evaluation Diddy excused the girl band and proceeded to lecture the guy group about how they need to step up thier game and work as a group. He focused his disgust and rage on one particular dude who was dragging down the band and offered this little tibit of knowledge to the viewing nation, "Bitchassness is a sickness of the World." No, I didn't spell it wrong. He literally used the word "bitchassness." Although this word is utterly absurd, like most words, phrases, and lyrics that come out of P. Diddy's mouth, I think I might love it. I now have new words to live by. I'm not gonna let anyone's bitchassness bring me down.

I think Stanley feels the same way. He's a little Diddy-esque in this photo.

Seven Time Champs

As of last month, I am a member of a bowling league. The Elitch Lanes Monday Night Pizza and Beer League to be exact. Although I was a little apprehensive at first, I must admit that it has been tremendous so far. I love it. I even bought my own shoes—they are shiny, purple, and amazing. The best part is that the league uses handicaps, so even though I might only bowl a 115, my score shows 208. It makes me feel like I’m pretty good even though I’m not. I like those kinds of self-esteem builders.

In addition to making you feel good about yourself, you get pizza, lots of beer, and easy viewing of several interesting characters. It is never a dull night at the bowling alley. Last week some people even showed up in costumes. Why, you might ask. . . . no idea, but it was awkward and entertaining. There is also a team named Funky Fresh. It is a family team made up of a father, daughter and two sons. The kids are about early high school age and always look like they dread being there. However, the Dad has magic dancing power and seems to get them interested and engaged by the end of the night. He does a funky booty slide after each of his rolls. . . he is awesome.

Last night’s standings put us (Seven Time Champs—intimidating, huh?) in sixth place out of 20 teams. So far my league high is 141. I hope to get at least 165 sometime this season. That would beat my all time high of 161. In the end, I really just want to do better than Josh. I think we are currently tied. We had the same handicap last night. However, he bowled his all-time high 178. It was pretty sweet.

In sum, the top 10 reasons I love my bowling league:

10. I get lots of high fives

9. It's easy to moonwalk near the lanes

8. Some lady made me smell her bowling ball once and it smelled like oranges

7. You can wear sunglasses, purple shoes, shorts and an Alf tee-shirt, and no one questions you

6. Those little finger-tip dryers

5. Handicaps

4. Intimidating other teams with our sweet team name

3. I can beat Josh on a regular basis

2. I can drink steadily over 2.5 hours and improve my game throughout the night

1. I can roll a strike at 9.5 mph while most of the men roll around 20+ mph. I call it "the Sloth."